I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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