I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize