dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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