She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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