why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize