So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
