if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
