i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
