I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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