NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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