Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
