Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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