The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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