I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
