Screwed.edu
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
