I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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