please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
