There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
