I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize