my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
