worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
