so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
