I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
