I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize