if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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