She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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