I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
