Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Randomize
