sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
