my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he thought i was a dude.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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