I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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