but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
