she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
