Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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