I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
