if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
