He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize