That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
