So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
