i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
