I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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