omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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