Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
