He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize