so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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