Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
