Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
