Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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