You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
