I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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