Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
