I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
