Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
