she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
