Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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