I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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