So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
