the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
