ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
