barbara walters just said penis...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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