she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
