I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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