I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
