i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
