He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize