i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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