i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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