He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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