That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
