You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
