??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Pooping to opera.
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