he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
