Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
This is my gift to your gina
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
